Unscheduled Back-Up Deletion

My hard drive crashed a few days ago. They could not retrieve any data from it. It was a hollow, short-circuited shell. A skull without brains or purpose. Only to be smashed on the rocks below.

Moments ago I found out my ‘cloud’ back up has been erased due to an expired subscription. Apparently a good enough amount of time elapsed after this expiration and that nothing remains. They must have thought I was dead.


I lost so many words. Song ideas. Garage band recordings of jam sessions with people I don’t talk to anymore. They are no longer in my life. I lost videos from dead old phones. 6,000 pictures. 13,000+ songs on itunes from every genre and passion, a huge compilation of downloaded things and borrowed cd’s.

All college assignments over the years… work samples, basically… are gone. All reviews. All essays. All final papers. All English.

Nothing remains.

Aside from the music that I myself recorded… The biggest criminal deletion is a document entitled ‘High School Writings’ from which I wrote long and painful essays examining my life at extreme low moments (in my teenage years)… This was many thousands of words. Extremely passionate words. A document over 100 pages long. I wrote my heart out and without mercy. I used to write long winding posts on myspace when it was a thing, in the bulletin(?) section… or the notes… whatever the fuck it was called. They reformatted. This section is no longer there. All of this erased from my life. So many pages of words. All so damn important. Self-evaluative. Words to carry with me for the rest of my life.


Pictures spanning from a cruise ship to every trip in between. All parties and At Night photos. Graduation. Prom. College hijinks. Fuck.

What do I do?

I know what I lost but I cannot recreate. It is unfixable.

Back up your fucking files, you assholes. You are the only one who cares about them.


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