This is what it feels like for my best intentions to turn savage. I thought I had a clear mind about my activity in the world until the glaring truth shot through my retinas like bullet casings and shrapnel from landmines. I, in a drunken rage, threw all of these mines randomly onto a field in the dark. I emptied the crates throughout this wilderness. This concrete jungle, as it as been so adequately described. You, my dear, with your vivid-bright lantern brought on an equivalent to morning light in cloudless sky.
This is the moment I knew our relationship would end tragically.
How stupid I was to hurt myself so carelessly, so privileged in this down comfort mansion of hypocritical thinking. Tossing out life removing mines all around me without thought. So drunk, I thought I was achieving something. Now I must walk so tenderly, as if on eggshells without cracking them. Chickens came first, god says in his almighty, ventured capitalized manner. They talk of communism as a negative and I lost interest because our values are different as harsh climate, temperate like bipolar attitudes, compared to solemn winter-scapes in my mind, the grandeur and the degenerative lack of eye contact, the uncorking of wine bottles, the view of a massive shooting star, so bright it killed conversation where it lay and now I am faced with the difficulty of dealing with my prior hospitalizations in thought, wishing for paramedic crews to rush through with alcoholic drips on tap and beer with 10+ percent alcohol content to really make my cheeks red and the legal issues involved in drinking beneath helicopter laughter, the chopping up of cigarettes and the buzz of an electric house fan underneath the weight of the rest of it….
I realize the inevitability of our demise.
I recognize the futility of our supposed purpose.
Why can we be so justified? In our earthly desire. It is no longer worth coping with. If you have an escape, please, for the love of science, escape. Exit your gorgeous lack of influence on the world. Die happy.