January 23

It echoes through your spine. The suffocation of all passions and life out of your arteries like coral bleaching. Oh yeah fine, it’s all daisies at first, when everything is a novelty. There is excitement in the air, that high mountain static electricity that makes the hair stand on end, you must run to your car to survive the eminent bolts of lightning, turn your brains into scrambled eggs — In this cavernous body, with all sorts of internal clocks and external abrasions, causation of complaints for hunger or against pain… the labyrinth of a sad mind is worse and more volatile than broken limbs. Those flowers wilt and so does the sunny day impressionism all around our shackled ankles. Miserable sensation to feel so defeated by the immeasurable weight of a day. 

It always happens. What’s good is transient because it eventually becomes mundane. It was overcast in my skull today. I wondered if that novelty already switched in me. Scary thought for one who lives in self imposed isolation anyway. The personality I wished to nourish did not wake up with me today. Those passionate cries are barely heard now under 6 feet of earth and wooden planks.

Dark rings under my eyes. The sky will darken and decay. I’ll have lived for nothing in the end. These words are hardly comfort when all the depressive cycles of self defeat are hyper-aware. Heightened to the extreme. It started with the walk. The headphones in. The lack of eye contact with others. I’ve become one of them! Where did that smile go, when I walked and viewed life through a better lens? I am gone too far gone to resurface but these litigations prove obvious disquiet. 

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