morning meditations

I’ve had difficulty waking up at the allotted time. The time set into watches, carved into sacred stones. this morning I hear machinery. I had the foresight upon first waking to pee and make a pot of coffee and then set an alarm for a half hour later. Still, the hot cup, the bubbly black liquid, the Amsterdam mug, the garbage truck. Not quite working. I will try a different tactic. One thing would be to meditate and to focus the meditations on an intrinsic fight or flight response. Here we go magic. (imagination begins). So here I am walking up a trail in the cascades. There is a meadow on my right and a heavily wooded hill on my left. Scent of flowers coming from the meadow, scent of pine from the woods. Thin clouds veil the sunlight slightly. Perfect temperature. I could just stand here forever. (lay here forever). A rustling in front. I stop. A young bear cub comes clumsily out of the woods and stops on the path to look at me. I freeze, amazed. This little furry creature, snout and claws and puffy ears. Transfixed, I barely noticed the much larger rustling behind me where a soon-to-be defensive mother bear is about to discover me as a threat.

Obviously run into the meadow, for dear life. This moment of decision. (reality again) if I could somehow mentally make myself feel as if I’m going to be literally mauled by a bear if I do not get out of bed might be a good tactic. How different could it be than to imagine yourself floating down a river in order to fall asleep? We use peaceful meditations to get into that sleepy consciousness, so we must use frightening thoughts to wake us up adequately. Bear attacks. Sinking ships. House on fire. What have you. An earthquake. An avalanche. Come on, be creative. And make me believe it. I want to wake up every morning like the only other option is death of everyone I’ve ever loved. Some fire lit under me. Something to propel me into the day like a rocket and not what I now feel like… still floating down a gentle river. Fearing nothing. Hearing not the splash of a waterfall down river. Not feeling the current pick up speed.

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