caffeinated pre-sleep

insomnia inspired by the desire to taste something caffeinated – my first choice was a little refrigerated coffee but I was strangely observed by the cashier and went for the rambunctious antidote of sleep that is a guarine-taurine-caffeine clusterfuck energy drink, with the heart palpitations as labelled on the side for the surefire sign you are “feeling it.” Now a German beer to counteract the racing blood but will not slow it down enough to decrease my speed and I will be dead in the living room late into the morning. I was swerving sleepy in the van because I let The Mars Volta put me in a trance and I raced from the U-District to Kenmore and back (with coffee table book in the backpack) in the hot, muggy, weather-changing afternoon, the van was an unpleasant space to negotiate my thoughts in tonight. There was a lot of things to move around. I was sluggish at the get-go and I know it is all about mindset or else nothing matters. Insomnia by stupid injection of sensory heightening chemicals into my body. Sleepiness when a hummer cuts me off. Sleepiness when the radio is left between stations and the static breaks of jazz intermingled with pop song commentary haunt the air waves, the air ponds with the air pinprick sounds of droplets of wavelengths, all dashed into the rocks on shore when the dial is turned to KZOK or more recent acquisition of KEXP – the most D.I.Y. and absurdly diverse programming out there these days. KPLU also. The only commercials for these stations are testimonies of people who have donated to them or pledge drives or endorsements by indie artists or “in partnership with The University of Washington” or wherever the fuck. Right on the top of my head is this caffeine. And Lee chuckled when I had a beer and a water opened and probably looked ridiculous. A ridiculous man I am indeed. The insomnia suits me well. Working late and sleeping in late and going to concerts and coming back tossed and letting my emotions show and jumping off of the log flume and WE CRASH LIKE TIDAL WAVES, DECIMATE THE ISLANDS and other poetry of the senses. The sensuous world. How our eyes communicate with the world as if mutually sponging up the effluvium. I know I will eventually feel awkward in this living room all along, wide awake, and it will behoove my sense of self to go and hide in the attic, to remove myself from the pressured situation of a groggy young man asking “you still up?” and I say “yes” and we move forward through the fog into the delirium of earlier yet earlier morning. When the sun breaks through the implacable horizon line as predicated by the eyesight of the observing biologism, the syndicated worth of a pupil, the screaming imbecilities of the cornea as it flips upside down the sky and the earth, like the anemone that inverses its stomach to the outside of the main body as a defense mechanism, no not like that at all but an interesting thought. There are creatures out there underwater that have hearts that regularly switch the direction of the flow of blood in its body. Science does not know the benefit of this fluctuation, if any. It is rare for an organism to have common features that are poorly adapted to their environment. They die and are replaced. An entire species, however, has reversal hearts.

—– maybe more later ——


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